Over the years I have always found the topic of skin, particularly mine, to be a really uncomfortable one. It’s been a long journey and is still very much ongoing, but I feel a lot more comfortable discussing the situation with my skin a hell of a lot more than I did when I was younger. So let’s have a little chat about my skin.
I started with spots when I was twelve, perfectly normal as it’s almost puberty stage. My face started to become oily and spots would appear on my chin, nose and forehead. It was only when they started to appear on my back and chest that I became aware that this wasn’t just a case of ‘a few spots’. It was after visiting my local GP, that I was diagnosed with Acne Vulgaris – the most common form of acne. Since then I have had various anti biotics, roll-ons and creams from my GP, taken a 6 month course of Roaccutane from my local Dermatology department, purchased a UV lamp, tried various herbal home remedies, and you find me here thirteen years later. For the purpose of the post, all pictures of my face have been left unedited.
My skin a couple of weeks ago pre products.
My acne did clear somewhat after the course of Roaccutane (it disappeared from my back and chest), don’t get me wrong I still developed hormonal spots, but it was so much better. However, after a year the acne returned. I won’t lie, I was heartbroken. I’d put all my eggs into one basket with Roaccutane, but have been told some will need two courses of the treatment. Even so, I found (and still do occasionally) it difficult to stay positive and put my faith into these treatments after seeing them work for others. Acne has also made me feel guilty, because my family have been amazing throughout and are always looking into new things to try, spending money, only for past attempts to not work. It’s difficult but they keep me positive.
My younger self did not have a clue about skincare (I’m still learning now!), none of the normal spot brands suited my skin, wipes were a big no-no, and washing my face became a ritual. Finally I feel like I’ve got my perfect skin routine, it’s minimal, but suited to me (I will do a post and show results, but this is only my second week using the products!). I think it’s difficult to understand how people with acne view their skin on a day to day basis. There’s always the hope that the products/tablets you took last night worked their magic and the acne is gone. There’s always the anger that as well as the spots you already have, new ones have appeared on the day of the important event you have. When you’re talking to someone there’s the paranoia of ‘are they staring at my spots?’ Your make-up routine becomes more of a chore because spots are still visible and they’re all you can see. You constantly wonder why you’re skin just can’t be clear like others. It’s tough and it does have an impact on how you see yourself. So much so, that I would constantly touch up my make-up when I was younger, trying to cover any trace of spots, I would dread any sleepovers, the moment where everyone would get ready for bed, it was a massive blow to my confidence.
Today, I’m currently about to finish a course of antibiotics I’ve been taking for six months. Once I have finished those I need to return to be referred for a second course of Roaccutane. I won’t lie, I’m not looking forward to it, but eleven years on, I’ll take whatever I can get. I’ve switched up my skin routine to Environ and am purely using their products as it is a set routine. I count myself extremely lucky that my acne is non-scarring, and seriously feel for those that have the scarring form – as if it isn’t difficult already. Like many, I have had days where I have been in tears over it and not wanted to leave the house, but you can’t let it stop you living your life. We all have flaws and imperfections, all of which are on a macro-scale only to ourselves, but they certainly don’t define you. Sure, they make us sad sometimes, but that is outweighed by just how beautiful and uniquely individual every single person is.
I think I’ll always have a love/hate relationship with my skin; it always looks like it’s not improving to me. There is still quite a way to go with it, but I’m determined to kick acne’s butt once and for all this time. I will post updates when I have them, and also on the products I am using, but as it is only the second week I didn’t want to include them just yet as they haven’t had much time to take effect. I really enjoyed writing this post and hope it helps others to know you’re not alone in how you are feeling. You are beautiful no matter what is on your skin. Acne isn’t forever, I take comfort in that and so should you. I’m 2 weeks in to using the products and currently my skin looks like this:
I always like to hear other people’s stories, past or present! So if you have one please comment or contact me below –any tips or tricks are welcome too!